


So long, you dog!

by randomrosewrites



Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: 1920s, Alastor Being a Jerk (Hazbin Hotel), Anger, Angst, F/M, Heartbreak, Human Alastor (Hazbin Hotel), Self-Insert, Smoking, Songfic, Touch-Averse Alastor (Hazbin Hotel), Unrequited Love, i cant beleive ive done two of these in a row, reader acts purely on SPITE
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 09:07:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23848714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/randomrosewrites/pseuds/randomrosewrites
Summary: Haven't you ever just wanted to give Alastor a piece of your mind?Today's your lucky day.
Relationships: Alastor (Hazbin Hotel) & Reader, Alastor (Hazbin Hotel)/Reader
Comments: 10
Kudos: 113





	So long, you dog!

**Author's Note:**

> hey another songfic wowow
> 
> this time it's So long dearie' from the musical, 'Hello Dolly' 
> 
> I wrote this all in one sitting to procrastinate. sorry about grammatical errors. 
> 
> enjoy!
> 
> The world of Hazbin Hotel and its characters belong to Vivziepop.

“You thought I actually ever  _ liked  _ you?”

Those words made your blood turn to ice. For three breaths you said nothing, standing there, mouth agape like a fish. 

Surely he was joking, right? 

  
“You….you don’t mean that, do you Al-”

“I won’t jump around the subject,” He nestled his chrome-plated cane under his arm as he pulled at his gloves taught. “This soiree was all but to accomplish something for myself, and I’ve done so. There’s no need for this little thing between us to continue.”

Your heart felt like someone had strung twine tightly around it and pulled until it bled. You bit down harshly on the inside of your lip. What an  _ idiot  _ you were, thinking  _ Alastor  _ of all people would actually be interested in some simple chick like you. 

And why should he? You had clearly been out of your depth at tonight’s event. All the other glitzed-up-folk had carried themselves with such a practiced manner whereas, you stuck out like a sore thumb. The way your low-cut dress boxed you in and the dispersion of weight you had to put on your heels was all alien to you. 

You felt choked on words. A lump in the back of your throat made it hard for you to say anything as tears collected in the ducts of your eyes. The wind picked up behind you, ruffling the cloth boa wrapped around your neck. Alastor noted the waver in your eyes and sighed, turning towards you. 

“Now don’t frown like that.” He placed a gloved hand under your chin, forcing you to look up at him. “What kind of man would I be if I let a dame like you go home in tears?” 

What a fool you must look to him! Swooning as he totted you around the party that night, knowing at the end he’d just drop you off at the side of the curve with no more than a ‘goodbye’. 

You were trembling in his touch. As much as you wanted to pull away from him, a sick desire kept you rooted in place. It disgusted you, the fondness you still had for him despite what he had said.

He bent low, his nose almost touching yours. His thumb parted your lips as his eyes bore into your soul. For a moment you wondered if he was going to kiss you. Your pulse jumped. A twitch of his smile suggested that he felt it in his hands, you flushed in embarrassment.

His eyes flickered to your lips, then back to your eyes before smirking. 

“ _ Have a safe time getting home _ .”

You deflated like a balloon. What little hope you had was replaced with cold loathing. He pulled away from you, and with a tip of his tophat, he started in the opposite direction. 

Did he really want to have the last say so much that he teased you? Was that really necessary, playing with your emotions like that? Had he just dumped you that would have been fine, but he had been such a  _ prick  _ about it…

“Wait Alastor!” you called out for him.

He sighed, letting the cane slip through his fingers and tap the ground as he spun around. A stretched smile was on his face as he folded one hand over the other. “Yes…?”

...now he had the gall to be impatient  _ with you _ ? Like  _ you  _ were wasting his time? He was just going to forget all that he had done and not talk about it??

Fine then! Two can play at that Alastor. 

“All I wanted to say was... goodbye.” 

“Hmm. Yes. Adieu.” He spun around again, completely dismissing you. 

You gritted your teeth. Oh, Alastor, you poor, poor bastard.

You darted in front of him, pressing a hand to your chest dramatically and feigning a look of pain. “Don't try to stop me Alastor, please!” 

Your eyes narrowed as you spun around to face him. “Wave your little hand and whisper ‘So long, dearie!’ You ain't gonna see me anymore.” 

Alastor stopped, shocked at your fierce little outburst. (though it wasn’t really ‘shocked’ as much as he was surprised.)

“And when you discover that your life is dreary, don't you come knockin' at my door!” you continued, slightly swaying your hips in some sort of dance. Alastor’s eyes narrowed, as he walked around you.

“Cause I'll be all dolled up and singin' that song, ” you hurried to keep up with him, now gathering the eyes of some passerby’s. 

“That says,‘ _ You dog!’ _ ” You moved in front of him and stamped your foot, unable to stop the venom in your voice. 

Alastor stopped, choking his cane near the handle as he growled. (Actually growled!) A bitter smile broke out on your face. “ _ I told you so. _ ”

This was making him uncomfortable. 

Yeah, doesn’t feel good now, does it?

“So wave your little hand and whisper ‘ _ so long dearie, _ ’” your chest puffed out with pride as you waggled your fingers at him, throwing your boa over your shoulder. 

“-Dearie, should have said so long, so long ago!” 

“Excuse me.” He spat through clenched teeth, slowly losing his patience. He moved around you one again, this time making sure to knock into your shoulder as he passed.

Oho, temper, temper, much, Alastor…

You wondered what other reactions you could draw out of the otherwise collected radio host. 

Along the sidewalk was an arrangement of wooden crates that stacked up four feet high. A smaller box lay at the base, proving a step-up. With a grin on your face and feeling a spurt of bravery, you hiked up your dress and climbed on. 

“For I can hear that Choo Choo callin' me on to a fancy new address!” You giggled as Alastor froze momentarily at your spectacle. Now people were DEFINITELY looking at you, but that didn’t matter. 

All that mattered was that Alastor was looking at  _ you _ . 

You kept pace with Alastor as you walked, dramatically strutting along as if you were on a red carpet. 

“Yes, I can hear that Choo Choo callin' me on, onboard that Happiness Express!” you jumped off of the boxes, confidently blocking Alastor’s path again, who rolled his eyes in exasperation. 

You put your hands on your hips, bouncing like those flapper girls at the clubs. 

“I'm gonna learn to dance and drink and smoke a cigarette! I'm goin' as far away from New Orleans as a girl can get!”

You spread your arms out in a flourish, only to realize Alastor had continued on ahead. You pouted slightly. Rude.

Perhaps it was time for a different approach then.

“So...”

You sashayed after him with a sultry look in your eyes, swinging the end of your boa in one hand. As you caught up with Alastor you placed one hand on his shoulder, your face lit up with delight as he stiffened. You traced circles on his neck as you whispered in his ear:

“...and on those cold winter nights,  _ Alastor _ ,” you stressed his name with a growl. He pulled himself away from you like he had been burned.

Hah, he didn’t like it, then? 

Too bad.

You approached him from the other side, suddenly cutting in front of him. In an effort to avoid touching you, he had to scuffle back with a yelp, nearly tripping over his own feet. 

“ _ You can snuggle up to that radio of yours, _ ” you let the boa slip from your shoulders, gazing back at him with lidded eyes, baring your neck for him. 

The look on his face was priceless. His repulsion to your advances only made you want to do it more out of spite. He twirled his cane in one hand, attempting to collect himself as he proceeded onwards. This time  _ he  _ moved out of your way, giving you a wide berth. You trailed behind him, letting you boa slip off your back into your hands. 

After a few paces, you threw the scarf around his neck. He sputtered as it wrapped around his throat suddenly. You came to stand beside him, hip cocked out provocatively. 

“It's a bit lumpy but at least it  _ vibrates _ .”

With a snort, you snatched his cane from his hands. There was a bounce in your step as you danced with it. 

“I'll be all dolled up and singin' that song that says, ‘ _ You dog!’ _ ” Stamping your foot again, you poked him in the chest with the back end of his cane. Your ankle flared up with pain. Hell, you forgot you were wearing heels. You wiped away the grimace that had formed, forcing a neutral smile. 

As you nonchalantly circled Alastor, his eyes never left yours, the contempt he held in them was enough to make you shiver, yet you persisted. You snatched up his hat from him, holding it in his face like a weapon.

“So Al, you will find your life a sad old story, you'll be livin' in that lonesome territory,” you placed the hat on your head, tucking the cane under your arms as you danced backwards, mocking his mannerisms. “When you see your  _ Dolly  _ shuffle off to glory!”

“Oh, I should have said ‘ _ so long, _ ’” Your eyes trailed from him. A streetcar was approaching its stop near you. Seeing as Alastor was reaching the end of his rope, and that you very well may get hurt if you continued, you decided it was time to go. “ _ How could I have been wrong? _ ” 

Your eyes snapped back to Alastor. His eyes were looking closer to red rather than brown at this point. 

You met his gaze with an equally intense one. You weren’t going to back down now. 

“Oh, I should have said so long-” You gasped for air, chest heaving, fists shaking at your side.

You remembered how he didn’t care about you. How he treated you. How this whole night was to fuel his own agenda. 

It was hard to hear anything except the sound of blood rushing in your ears as you ground your molars down flat.

He played you. He fucking used you.

Crushing his hat in your hand, you whipped it at him, not caring if he caught it. 

“ _ So long ago!! _ ” You snarled, leaping into the trolley. You mockingly waved his cane at him as it pulled away, wanting to laugh at the stupefied emotion on his face. 

It wasn’t until he had disappeared from your vision that you let your shoulders sag, letting the cane clatter to the ground. 

Your breathing quickened. Everything seemed to be buzzing. You needed to sit down. Kicking off your shoes and dropping his cane, you shook on uneasy legs as you took a seat on the cushioned benches. 

The attempts to slow your breaths failed. You buried your head in your hands, sucking in air through gritted teeth.

It was only then that you allowed yourself to cry. 

\---

  
Alastor stood as the dirt settled around him. He exhaled sharply through his nose as the crowd that gathered dispersed. What a scene you had caused, what a nitwit you had made him look in public! 

He forced himself to calm down, his hat became disfigured in his fists.

Finally, he straightened himself up, putting the lopsided tophat back on his head. With a cheery smile on his face, he started home, even managing to hum a tune. 

As cobblestone faded into dirt roads, he removed your boa from his shoulders, carefully-

-before ripping it in half, letting it fall to the ground and crushing it into the mud.

The anger that boiled inside him surprised himself, but no matter. 

He fetched a cigarette from his pocket, lighting it before taking a drag. The smoke curled around his hair, breaking off into menacing tendrils. He grinned up at the stars in the sky.

“Thank you songbird, for the rage you’ve stirred within me. I’ll make sure to put it to good use.”

Arms behind his back, he continued home.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> wowow I did not except to write this much but I was listening to the soundtrack and absolutely HAD to do something with it. The song's amazing.
> 
> Alastor and the reader are both sometimes awful towards eachother in this. hope that shows.  
> another side note, I cant imagine most relationships with alastor happening and turning out well  
> not all, but most
> 
> definitely not this one lmfaooo 
> 
> also might to a part two to this, depending on how people like it/ how I feel :p
> 
> thank you for reading!


End file.
